Living in the Land of Possibility

Last weekend I attended a workshop where everyone was asked to share a peak experience from their life-a moment that stands out to them as being invigorating and life-giving. My peak moment came to me immediately.

In the summer of 2009, I traveled to The Netherlands.. During the trip I took a bike ride from the beach town of Scheveningen to the city of Delft.  

It was only about a 9 mile ride, but this was before GPS on your phone was a thing and my phone didn’t have service in another country anyway.

It was just me, my bike, my iPod (remember those?!?), a map, and signs pointing to Delft. A solo adventure in a foreign place.

I made it to the city center within a few hours. As I pulled up to the city center, I got the chills at the sight of the square.  I had never been there before, yet I felt this sense of familiarity with the place.  Church bells were playing a favorite song- The Beatles’ “When I’m 64”. 

A bride had just arrived at the beautiful city hall building and was about to walk up the steps and get married.  I remember thinking, “What a dream wedding.”

That bike ride to Delft, my arrival at the city center, the sight of the bride, and all the eating and sightseeing I did afterwards made for a magical day.

Coincidentally, while organizing some papers in my office yesterday, I came across a postcard that I bought on that day.  I had written the postcard to a friend, but I never sent it.  Somehow, that postcard has stayed with me for twelve years. I’ve moved 5 times since taking that trip (including one cross country move) and somehow I’ve never come across it before.

The message on the postcard read, “Hey, This is a picture of city hall in Delft.  This is where I’m getting married.  It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”

I smiled when I saw the postcard and message because I remembered that dream and that perfect day and couldn’t believe how funny it was that I just talked about it a few days earlier.

And then I heard myself think, “It’s too late for that” and  “You can’t expect people to travel to The Netherlands for your wedding” and “Life is different now”  I suddenly felt a heaviness in my chest.  That voice was dragging me down to the land of lack and limited options..  The land of binary thinking.  Good or bad.  Yes or no.  Wrong or right.  Old or young.

This warm, amazing memory was stolen away by an inner critic, and replaced with a sense of regret and loss.

I thought for a second.  Is that still my dream?  A wedding in Delft?  And the truth is- I don’t know!  But I decided to tell that voice to be quiet.  So it’s still on the table.  Dreams do change sometimes, I’m choosing to live in the land of possibilities, where it’s never too late and you’re never too old.  Maybe I will get married in Delft one day.  Maybe I’ll be 64 when it happens.  And I’m leaving room for an ever bigger, better dream to be realized.